Brains are spongy, fickle, easily distracted objects, especially when given too much caffeine. Which, as luck would have I have been doing consistently to my brain since Friday last. So, I thought I would dedicate this week to a few observations I have made while riding the black dragon. Without ado, here's your Monday fix:
Crackpot Theory Number One: 50% of all people carrying around yoga mats are NOT actually enrolled in any yoga class, and are in fact only doing it to rub their alleged fitness level in my face.
Let me get this out of the way right at the top: I think yoga is probably the most perfect way to exercise. I mean, you combine flexibility, muscle building, endurance and spirituality all into one package. And, to plagiarize a line from "Pride and Prejudice": if I had ever learnt, I would no doubt have been a great proficient.
Clearly others share my admiration of this discipline. Witness: there are, in my neighborhood, four different places for all the would-be yogi's to get their stretch on. In theory, this would explain why, at any time of day or night, one out of every six people I pass on the street are carrying their own yoga mats. However, I have NEVER seen anyone actually walking in/out of any of the studios.
Weird, right? You would think, as TIACAICTG studios is smack dab in the 'hood, and am out on patrol with the Wonderdog twice a day, I would have witnessed either:
a) A crush of people entering a yoga studio, in advance of a class getting ready to start
b) A stream of people leaving the yoga studio after a program has ended
I'm not suggesting that these yoga studios (studia?) do not offer classes and are in fact, fronts for the mob. Rather, I'm asserting that a good percentage of these folks that are carrying around yoga mats are full of shit. Big difference.
For instance, people who have recently worked out do not usually make a bee line for their local watering hole. Yet I see an inordinate amount of folks hanging out in bars with yoga mats strapped to their backs. (draw your own conclusions as to why I'm in there, although I'll give you a hint: chicken wings.) Huh? Usually, working out is followed by showering and a change of clothes before nightlife begins, ex. just like that Michelob Ultra Commercial featuring that cheating cheater Lance Armstrong. It is, almost universally, NOT followed by pouring PBR down your gullet while still wearing your sweaty workout gear. CONCLUSION: 100% of people carrying yoga mats into bars are not whom they claim to be, and may actually be aliens.
The worst offenders are to be found at the local coffee shop. Here, they try to camouflage themselves among actual yoga practitioners, whom, i found, enjoy coffee after a good stretch. You can always spot these fakers by the type of drinks they order. Breve? Venti anything? These people are, to be sure, full of crap. However, if you see mat carrying folks drinking reasonable sized beverages or chocolate milk, there's a very good chance that they are coming down from a yoga workout. CONCLUSION: About 25% of yoga mat carrying folks are full of poo, and are only trying to fit in with the flexible few.
I'm not really sure why these folks bother me so much. Maybe it's because I would love to try the yoga and incorporate it into my wellness program. But, I don't go around carrying around a mat to get myself psyched up for the possibility that I would someday, maybe WANT to attend a class. It's like slapping a "26.2" sticker on your volvo, when you can't take a lap without collapsing in a heap. IMPOSTORS!
I did mention the crackpot theme to all of this, right?
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