"Outside" Magazine: What do you WANT from me?

So, I subscribe to Outside magazine. Their tagline is: "Adventure Travel, Gear, and Fitness." Since i'm interested in at least two of those things, it seemed like a good fit, or so the Velogirl said when she signed me up for the subscription. And, at first, I was really excited as well. "I'll be inspired," says I, "to push myself to do more really interesting things in the out-of-doors."

Soon, however, I came to realize that Outside magazine doesn't want to inspire me--it wants me to feel like shit because I don't have the resources to accomplish 1/10th of what they suggest in each issue.

Need an example? Of course you do. This past issue, for example, they suggest that I add to my bucket list the following items from their "The Life" list:

• Become a Bush Pilot--The fuck? Putting aside the fact that you need to own a PLANE and you know, be an average pilot, it also takes about 1000 hours in the air to get certified. So, that seems a little goddamn pretentious and out of reach for everyone but the two rich assholes who probably edit this magazine, no?

• Coin a Phrase--Huh? Well, here's one, off the top of my head: "Let's NOT do What You Say!"

• Join the Circus--Hard to tell if they mean the ACTUAL circus, or the "Almost Famous" interpretation, and go on tour with a band. In either case, I'm pretty sure that dream died in 1975.
  

Of course, it should have never gotten to the September issue for me. I should've known something was up when 4 out of the first 8 issues had Sebastian Junger on the cover. That guy, aside from being a pretty good writer, is the poster child for the guy you NEVER want to make the mistake of mentioning any of your hobbies/accomplishments to.

Just ran a sub 5 mile for the first time did you? Well sit back and listen to Mr. Junger, as he is more than happy to talk about the fact that he averages a 4:45 mile (he's 48, BTW). Just ran your first marathon, eh? Well, Sebastian was just telling us all how he went to live with the Navajo(who have a tradition of long distance running) for a summer and was, in his words "the first white guy they'd met who could beat most of their top runners." (Outside Magazine, September 2010, p. 74). He's that guy who not only LOVES to one-up, but absolutely has the stories to go with, so instead of sounding cool, he comes off all Commander McBragg. Personally, I've never had much time for dbags like that.

So, all this has led me to the litmus test of magazine subscriptions. Here it goes: If the magazine you are currently reading was a person, would you want to be friends with it?

In my case, me and "Outside" magazine would never be friends--I love the outdoors, but I don't need to spend 25k just to enjoy myself, which is what "Outside" wants from me. Plus, "Outside" magazine is real good friends with Sebastian Junger, and I just hate that cocky SOB. And you just KNOW they would eventually bring him out for drinks when you were there, and it would be awkward as shit, and who needs that kind of magazine friend? Not me. No sir, Not me.