And...I'm Ready for More.

First off, let me apologize for the lapses in the posts the last few weeks or so. While I'd love to give some overly elaborate excuse for why I haven't been posting so regularly, the simple truth is, I was kidnapped by a group of Chechnyian extremists, who demanded that I help them complete their new suitcase fission bomb project. And, wouldn't you know it, there wasn't a reliable internet connection to be had in that concrete-encased concrete bunker they were holding me in. The good news? They were true to their word, and released me as soon as I had the last uranium rod in place. I don't feel REAL good about how I've spent the last ten days, but at least I'm not a liar. That you can take to the bank.

Anyways, I figured I'd pick up where we had left off here in this space. VANCOUVER! So, here are my thoughts on what is, for many, their favorite Canadian city:

• Vancouver is like if Seattle and San Francisco had a love child. It has the rugged physical backdrop of Seattle combined with the hilly poshness of San Fran. A real scenester type city. I mean, I expected a city full of laid-back, tree-lovin', fly-fishin', Canadian hospitality types. Instead, I met alot of the same self-important dbags types that I always seem to run into in San Francisco. So, I don't know what to feel about this city, to be honest. You certainly can't argue with the view:

(Just. Beautiful.)

• I have not seen many more beautiful urban centers than downtown Vancouver. It's a very walkable city as well--I had the chance to pretty much walk the width of downtown--it took me all of 25 minutes from bridge to bridge. That is what you call a natural growth barrier. You just get the sense that this city is made to be explored on foot.

• A word about the Canadian flag: It's awesome. But, I have a way it could be even awesomer: What if the flag would change color throughout the year, mimicking the life of the actual maple leaf itself! So, it would be deep green and white in spring, a lighter green/white in summer, and then, finally, the red and white flag we see today would be reserved for fall. Of course, in the winter, there aren't any leaves on the maple...hmm...maybe it could be maple syrup colored in the winter? Isn't that when maple sap runs? Ah well, it was just a thought.

(Majestic. Classic. But with a few small tweaks...unstoppable!)

• While I was there, they had a "Canadian hip-hop Showcase" as part of some downtown bar promotion. It was happening outside, so I stopped for a few minutes to take it in. It's always disarming for an American to watch Canadians try on hip-hop as their creative medium. The language is always a little too...what's the word?...crisp? It just doesn't sound like rap lyrics. Which is fine, to be honest, as long as you KNOW you're not getting close to the flow of a Snoop or a Dre or an Eminem. I mean, i'm a big fan of The Streets, and he just sounds like a drunken Brit rapping about after hours eating establishments. But, it does sound like he's living the life he's speaking about. So that's something.

The final verdict for me: I would love to spend a long weekend in the mountains around Vancouver: do some camping, teach myself how to flyfish, pull some pike out of those cold, clear rivers...and then, I would spend one "clean up" day in Vancouver, stay at a nice hotel, and maybe take in a concert at night. But that's as much time as I would need to spend in the actual city, I think.

Before I go, we have to say a few words about NUFC: Ben Arfa, I don't care if you ARE a big whiny jerkoff, (which seems to be the consensus)--if you keep scoring goals like this one, feel free to mouth off as you please. I mean, you'll have to go a long way to take the crown of douchiest magpie as long as Joey Barton is on the payroll. I mean, look at the mustache he was sporting this year for god's sake:

(Only a real a-hole can feel good about having that thing covering his upper lip.)

Hate to leave it there, but...well, not everything is all ham and plaques.