Just Another Outsider, Here to Tell You What's REALLY Happening in Detroit - Part I

Let us all pause and admire the Mitten:

A paradise for hunters, golfers, fishermen, and TREES. Seriously. People have been cutting trees down in this peninsula as fast as they possibly can for 150 years or so, and there are still a shitload left. If I were a tree, I would consider moving there, as the nightlife for trees must be epic indeed. What with the density and all that.

Now Then:

I just spent a week in the lower peninsula of Michigan visiting the family I done married into.

They are good people--the kind of folks who love the Tigers, giving favorite books as gifts, and black and white dogs in almost equal measure.

And then...there is their love of pie.

My! The Pie! Embraced by the clan. Paraded nightly to the post-prandial table in an endless array of fillings and crust configurations. One is expected to have multiple slices.

Or, at least the core family unit is polite enough to ignore my ass as I greedily dig in for thirds. Or fourths.

Needless to say, I am very lucky they have accepted me as one of their own.

Where was I? Oh yeah...

DETROIT.


The Fist of Joe Louis. My favorite public art installation in a town chock full of them. Sure I admire the graceful lines. I also think it functions beautifully as a simple monument to one of the greatest athletes (and Detroiters) of the 20th century. But, mainly because it seems to be pointed right at Canada. As if to say: "Come get a taste, Ontarians".

You may have read a word or two in your local fish-wrapper about where this city has been, where it is now, and where it is heading.

Perhaps it's time for an outsider to give their half-baked opinion about the goings-on. You know, to put things in perspective for both the curious and the pie-deprived.

What's that? You say that there are seven million articles out there already? Each crammed full with their own half- baked opinion, unilaterally written by assholes, with no real perspective on the city they are talking about?

You are correct. And mean...you know...for pointing that out to me.

Still, I have come too far conceptualizing my next week's worth of posts to stop typing now. So go shit in your hat.

Before I begin my misinformed, half-baked rant on Michigan's largest city, one ground rule needs to be laid out:

When I speak of Detroit, I am referring to the actual city of Detroit. Not downriver. Not Oakland County. Certainly not the "Palace of Auburn Hills". Wherever and whatever the fuck that is. 

Got it? Good.

Also, here is one topic of conversation I am going to bring up now, if only as a way to explain that I'm not going to talk about it ever again.

Oversimplified Treatise Number One to Explain Detroit's Current Situation:

• Detroit has a terrible, violent history of race relations between whites and blacks. Riots, bigotry, racism, redlining, de facto segregation, institutional racism in the workplace...if you can name a way to screw minorities it happened here. And that climate has poisoned Detroit in a way that is unique and different from other cities.
• My Reaction? Yawn. In other words, Detroit is an American city. Just like some other cities you may have heard of. Washington DC comes to mind. Or Philly. Or Chicago.  Or NYC. And who can forget Boston's stellar race relations over the years?
  
  It is clear (to my uneducated ass at least) that the story of American Urbanism from 1945 onwards can be boiled down to this trend: Whites in cities, often with the help of the Federal Banking System, tried everything they could think of to avoid living and working alongside African Americans. When those attempts ultimately failed, with often violent consequences, those same white families moved to the suburbs. Middle class blacks soon followed. Congratulations Detroit: you're in shameful company. But you're not unique.

Phew. Here's a bit of a palate cleanser after all that heaviness:

PUPPY! SO CUTE! THOSE EARS NEED TO BE RUBBED!



Well, I'm spent. For those of you who would like an editorial calendar, here's how I plan to lay out all me thoughts within the next few posts:

Tuesday: Observations about Detroit--Geography and Neighborhoods
Thursday: Observations about Detroit -- The People and their Interests
Friday: Observations about Detroit -- Current Trends
Monday: Observations about Detroit -- The Future

Should have one up every day around 3:00 Detroit time. See ya then.